Today I bought a record which was, as far as I can tell, not connected in any meaningful way with Steve Albini or William Oldham. This is the first record in my months of buying records that this has occurred, I am some what proud of this fact and somewhat disturbed by the influence that these two men have had on my vinyl buying habits. I do not believe it to be healthy. Yes, it is true that I have not been showing any signs of ill effect from this obsession but that does not mean they are not there hiding, waiting until I drop my guard before they overwhelm me.
Lately I have been talking to new people. These new people are friends of friends so it is I assume natural for us to talk some and possibly develop our own friendships, independent of the third party we both know. What I have noticed talking to these people is the use of turns of phrase, syntax and mannerisms I had considered “mine”, or at least unique to me. Turns of phrase, syntax and mannerisms I had noticed friends adopting occasionally but had thought little to anything of it, we talk a lot so naturally there would be some mimicry just as I no doubt mimic my friends. I am not sure what to make of it. Do I stroke my ego or do I put it down to my natural peculiar brand of paranoia?
For years I was jealous of those people who kept meticulous notes of their day in their diaries. I was, I realise now amazed and envious of the discipline it would take, knowing that no matter how hard I tried I would not be able to do it. I am too wordy for one, I do not have it in me to write terse concise stunted sentences. My father can, it would drive me crazy when I would have to transcribe his hand printed documents into a binary format. I am not sure if I ever tried to do it, I like to think I did, I am telling myself at the moment that that is what this diary became for a period of time.
I like to think this because it would give me a pleasant explanation for why I did not want to write here, to read what I have written or why other people would never stay more for a page. Nobody wants to read about somebody's day, or dreams, these are things which aren't interesting to others. What people want to read about, I am not sure because I am not even sure what I want to read when it comes to online diary reading. All I know is I want to connect on some level with the writer. I have to give this more thought.
